At the End of a Year, The Beginning of Another

I’ve never been terribly well at dealing with big life changes. Despite my assuredness in knowing that changes are very much for the better and my excitement to start a new journey, I still always seem to resist the shifting winds a little longer than I should and let them sting my face with pangs of nonsensical regret. I look back at the recently passed stage of my life and begin to riddle myself with ideas like, “what if I had done things differently,” and, “why didn’t I do this while I had the chance.” I find myself in a cleaning frenzy and spend countless hours going through neglected drawers, purging myself of high school art projects and accumulated knick-knacks. Posters rip from walls, items cram into brimming closets, and things on shelves rearrange. I need tasks to keep my hands busy and to stop my head from thinking.

I am starting new job in a few weeks, one that will offer me boundless opportunity and the chance to finally immerse myself in the field I spent four long years relentlessly studying at school. I am beyond thrilled and I think that my anticipation and excitement to begin this new path is what's leaving me so restless. Yet, leaving my old job was certainly bittersweet, my last day tinged with sadness. I found that the hardest part was leaving people. I spent 40+ hours working very closely with the same handful of folks and we saw each other at some of our worst, most stressed moments, but of course also at our best…and craziest. Truly, they became more than just friends; we were more like a little family and I hope they’re not gone forever.

Luckily I had Christmas at the beginning of all of this to help to ease the transition. It was a Christmas just like the others, though not at all in a bad way. It was traditional, as it should be. It was a day spent with family, two deep fried turkeys, a dark chocolate and orange semifreddo, raucous conversation and laughter, dogs trying to steal food from the table, and to end it all, an annual viewing of It’s a Wonderful Life, which, no matter how many times I watch it, still leaves the edges of my eyes glossed with tears. It was all quite good.

As the New Year approaches I hope for the usual things except for the first time I feel like the resolutions really matter. I want to pursue my hopes instead of letting them eventually slip by as usual. I want to take more chances and do the things that scare me, to put myself out there, vulnerable and fearful, in the face of whatever may confront me and to accept and embrace it, whether it be new skills, deadlines, one more mile, perhaps even love. Who knows? Only time will tell but I have the feeling its going to be a very very good year. With that, I bid you adieu for 2012 and wish you the best in the upcoming days.